The Birth of an Unnatural Interest


back to blogging again.

just received a massive blow in my job hunt. a job i thought i was perfect for, that took into account my visa situation and my research interest. in fact the guy who was hiring was the person who told me to apply for the job. but it was not to be. i was once again not shortlisted.

now i am at a complete loss. this was the perfect opportunity...when will the next one come along...this is a niche area, jobs are rare to come by. how long do i have to wait for the next one and how can i be sure that this won't happen again? is it time to give up on my dream and go back to india?

these are all very heavy thoughts and to take my mind off such heavy matters, i decided to blog.
my latest entry is also about another relative of mine: my paternal grandfather- a criminal lawyer by profession and someone who may have played a role in fanning this unnatural obsession of mine.


as a child , i would visit vijayawada at least once every year. growing up, thathagaru was an extremely in demand lawyer in vijayawada and the office room would be teeming with people. thathagaru also trained many lawyers who have now become the leading lawyers in the city. he placed great value on the importance of communication- reading and writing. I remember being put to tests by him- having to read out section from newspapers so that he was assured i had a good command over the english language, correct pronunciation et al.

On one such visit, thathagaru, who was very impressed with my spoken english decided to show me off to his trainee lawyers. he called me to his office and gave me a file and asked me to read it aloud. I was thrilled that he thought so highly of me and began to read loudly in all earnest. with every sentence, thatha would nudge the trainee lawyers in utter satisfaction.

as i read aloud, i realised it was a murder case- politically motivated. i remember reading aloud , in true-blue lawyer language ' the defendants were gathered around a small shop, eating and drinking soft drinks when the victim , Samba siva Rao approached.' of course, it sounded a lot more lawyer like than what i have just written but you get the idea. as i read along, i came to understand the defendants belonged to one party and Samba Siva Rao belonged to another. as all of them sat around the small cafe/shop, there was a disagreement between the defendants and the victim. the public prosecutor had alleged that this was the opportunity that the defendants had been waiting for. they broke the soft drink bottles and attacked Samba Siva Rao.


Since I was reading, the facts of the case were taking some to sink in. I was only concerned about whether I was still impressing the lawyers. 'The defendants then picked up the broken pieces of glass and attacked Samba Siva Rao. Samba Siva Rao has said to have warded off the attackers to the best of his ability but he was outnumbered and consequently hacked to death.'

i stopped for breath. my eyes widened. hacked to death..waitaminit...doesn't that mean cut to pieces?

'Thathagaru!!! They cut him to pieces!!!' i breathlessly exclaimed. 'Heeeheee. ..Yes, yes, they did.' Thatha beamed, nudging the trainee lawyers for the million time ' Look at how well she speaks and how correct her pronounciation is! I want you also to reach the same standard. if this small girl can do it, so can you!'

'Thathagaru!! How can anyone do this to another person?' gruesome mental images of cut pieces were swimming around in my head. the trainee lawyers had become invisible for me.
' Good girl! Good girl! Keep it up! People are like that. things like this happen. Very good. I am very proud of you.' Thatha beamed even more if it was possible, patted me on the back and sent me back.

i still remember this incident as if it happened yesterday...i guess being closely related to someone who deals in this area and listening to his stories may have unconsciously played a part in developing this interest.

Samba Siva rao... i later learned that political murders were very common , especially in small towns. is it because of the lack of media exposure and the accompanying accountability? small town murders are hardly reported and do not get enough coverage as murders in the big cities- one needs to gets statistics on that before it can be an absolute statement.

i love my dear thathagaru...so wrapped up in his work and his aspirations that the appropriateness of his request never dawned on him.... guess how old i was when i read that case aloud to them??? Eight!!!:):)